Many years of research and hundreds of studies have shown that human beings have a need to be social and form relationships with other people. One of the more popular explanations for why we need to connect and attach ourselves to other people comes from evolutionary psychology. It is presumed that being part of a social group made it more likely for people to survive thousands of years ago, and to pass along their genes. Think about the following options available to our ancestors:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Those people who chose option #1 were less likely to live than those who chose option #2. According to evolutionary theory, the body and brain will retain those qualities that best help people survive. So, over the course of evolution, human beings developed a need to form relationships with other people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now, you might be thinking \u2013 what exactly changed in the body and brain that made it more likely for people to be social?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Well, one of the major things that evolved over time in humans is their capacity to feel hurt by rejection and social isolation. I use the word \u201churt\u201d quite literally.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Research over the past decade has shed light on what happens to people when they are rejected. An area of the brain called the anterior cingulate cortex becomes activated when we are rejected or isolated from others. This is the same area of the brain that is responsible for processing physical pain. In fact, cultural groups all around the world tend to use \u201cpain language\u201d when describing rejection:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Reactions to the Pain of Rejection<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n People have three options when it comes to dealing with potential pain:<\/p>\n\n\n\n It is not uncommon for people to frequently use one or more of these coping strategies when in their daily lives. When these coping styles dominate a person\u2019s life, the consequence can be a significant disruption in functioning and\/ or quality of life. For example, if you avoid social events and\/ or relationships in order to avoid the pain of rejection and negative evaluation, then you might suffer various psychological symptoms and problems, such as:<\/p>\n\n\n\n However, avoidance is not always so direct \u2013 it can be subtle as well. For example, people will sometimes deal with the fear and pain of rejection by using alcohol and\/ or drugs, prescription medication, and even overeating. Things can become even more complex when people make changes to their personality to avoid rejection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n What Can CBT Do?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n A psychologist using Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy essentially does two very important things:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy involves the collaboration between a client and psychologist to figure out the problems and take steps to manage it. Specifically, therapy involves an examination of:<\/p>\n\n\n\n CBT is an effective form of psychotherapy, as shown by numerous research studies. It can be an invaluable experience for people whose lives are negatively affected by fears of rejection and problems connecting to other people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
\n
\n
\n